The Long Farewell

As I'm being forced to stay away from work on Monday and Tuesday to mark an anniversary I neither respect nor care about, you'll get a bit of a break from me. If you're a royalist, don't come back, eh? Subscribe to Majesty magazine, or buy the Daily Mail and practice your tutting.

Back on Wednesday, though that'll be a reduced service as I'm in progression boards, explaining myself to the external examiners and then treating them to strong drink in a vain attempt to get them to forget what I've written on your essays.

I intend to avoid the jubilee by either staying in bed or getting up a mountain. Enjoy your unwarranted holiday. Here are a couple of cultural artefacts to get us republicans through the week: the Smiths' 'The Queen Is Dead' and Charles I's execution warrant.