Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Meanwhile in America…

Your Republican candidates:
1. Mitt Romney - billionaire who claims the Republicans are about looking after the 'little guy'. Believes that Americans (but not the native ones or the black ones) are the lost tribe of Israel and that God gave them some new commandments on solid gold slabs which were carelessly misplaced. He also believes in converting your dead ancestors, which is how it came about that the Jewish and other victims of the Holocaust are now officially all Mormons.

He's the man in the middle:

Caption competition: 'these are much easier to carry round than gold tablets'? Or 'Wow, I didn't know these came in lower than $500 bills. How cute'. 

2. Rick Perry. Governor of Texas and very much in the GWB mould (i.e. vicious and dumb and not averse to the N-word): he's already accused the chairman of the Federal Reserve of treason and applied Biblical wisdom to the recession and the BP oil spill:
"I think in America from time to time we have to go through some difficult times — and I think we’re going through those difficult economic times for a purpose, to bring us back to those Biblical principles of you know, you don't spend all the money. You work hard for those six years and you put up that seventh year in the warehouse to take you through the hard times. And not spending all of our money. Not asking for Pharaoh to give everything to everybody and to take care of folks because at the end of the day, it's slavery. We become slaves to government." 
3. Hermann Cain: sex pest, pizza shill, possibly corrupt, madman. 
'It will be a twenty foot wall, barbed wire, electrified on the top, and on this side of the fence, I'll have that moat that President Obama talked about. And I would put those alligators in that moat!" - Cain on his illegal immigration plan.'
He did this as a presidential ad (warning: it will sicken you):

4. Michele Bachmann: 

 ''Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.''

“But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”
Er… no, they were slave owners. 
'[Pelosi] is committed to her global warming fanaticism to the point where she has said she has even said she is trying to save the planet. We all know that someone did that 2,000 years ago.''
''And what a bizarre time we're in, when a judge will say to little children that you can't say the pledge of allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.''
''Normalization (of gayness) through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders, is take a picture of 'The Lion King' for instance, and a teacher might say, 'Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?' The message is: I'm better at what I do, because I'm gay.''
''I don't know where they're going to get all this money because we're running out of rich people in this country.''
''I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence.''
“The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. Its all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.”
Under normal circumstances, you'd assume that Obama would have to be caught in bed, with a goat, wiping his bottom on the Bible before he lost this election. Now, I'm not too sure… Still, it'll be amusing until one of these loons decides to nuke Eurabia (that's what they call Europe now because we're all living under the Muslim yoke. Apparently.  

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