Just because I'm on holiday doesn't mean I've forgotten you, Mr Paul Uppal. I remember very well that it's three months since my first, polite, letter to you - a letter to which you haven't responded, despite the rule that MPs must reply to constituents.
You lazy hound. I'm not angry, merely disappointed. It's the holidays (though as you're an MP, it's usually the holidays). What say you find 3 minutes in the next three months to dash off a quick response and we can forget all about it? Shake hands, move on?
Seriously, Paul. I've got a lot of work to do when I get back, and I'm trying to relax here, but all I can think about is whether you're OK. Are you ill? Have your hands dropped off? Was it something I said? The silence is killing me.
This is for you, Big Man. Let's be friends.