A Fairy Tale For Men. Once upon a time, a little prince was born. His childhood was spent in joyous idleness. He was entertained with an endless supply of his favourite toys, his dirty clothes were magically collected off the floor where he carelessly dropped them (as were his towels after the rare occasion that he showered)and were returned to him clean and ironed. His castle was immaculate- clean and tidy. Meal times were also magical, with food appearing on the table, lovingly prepared whilst he played, although he would insist on complaining most meal-times about having to eat what had taken the queen ages to prepare. Life was good. When the prince was all grown up, he decided he wanted to sleep with lots of women. Even though he was aesthetically challenged, he still succeeded in his quest. How? He had learned, by watching other princes through his adolescence, that he could attract the most beautiful princesses, even when he was at his most obnoxious, as long as he had a cool car. He had observed that some princes, from poorer kingdoms, had less impressive cars, but these princes' cars played very loud music and had very big exhausts to excite princesses. After sleeping with a stream of princesses and perfecting his technique of what pleased him, impressing his friends with his tally of conquests along the way, he met a particularly enchanting princess and fell in love. He bought her flowers, a ring and they got married. He still kept his castle fully equipped with his 'must have' toys, he still dumped his dirty clothes and towels on the floor to have them magically cleaned and returned for future use, he still had his meals placed before him when he wished to eat, he still walked around an immaculate, sparkly clean castle. And at night, his princess would magically appear in the bedroom, after being mysteriously absent all day and evening, looking stunning (and not at all tired!) in whatever dodgy lingerie her prince had decided would befit her.Life was good! Alas, soon little princes appeared and the castle was not quite so immaculate, the clothes and towels not instantly collected off the floor, the meals not on the table as regularly, or if they were, they were out of a packet! At night, the princess complained of being tired, even though the prince knew she'd sat around all day watching Jeremy Kyle on the TV. He noticed that her snazzy lingerie was nowhere to be seen and was that baby vomit in her hair? He also noticed that since effortlessly popping out princes, her abs weren't as tight as they once were, her face was a lot more lined than it used to be, she had stretch marks! This was not the princess he had married. No matter. The balding prince, who by now had developed quite an impressive paunch, drove out across his kingdom in his Mercedes/BMW/Porsche and, after further perfecting his technique of pleasing himself on numerous would-be princesses, he brought back to his castle his Princess Mark 2. Princess Mark 1 got consigned, with her little princes, to the outer reaches of the kingdom, wilst the prince, his new princess and his toys lived happily ever after.
Men don't need to be fed fairy tales to be fooled into co-habiting.
Blossom, that's a very cynical attitude to take. Obviously, you're completely right, as I've had the opportunity to observe recently. How very depressing.
3 comments:
A Fairy Tale For Men.
Once upon a time, a little prince was born. His childhood was spent in joyous idleness. He was entertained with an endless supply of his favourite toys, his dirty clothes were magically collected off the floor where he carelessly dropped them (as were his towels after the rare occasion that he showered)and were returned to him clean and ironed. His castle was immaculate- clean and tidy. Meal times were also magical, with food appearing on the table, lovingly prepared whilst he played, although he would insist on complaining most meal-times about having to eat what had taken the queen ages to prepare. Life was good.
When the prince was all grown up, he decided he wanted to sleep with lots of women. Even though he was aesthetically challenged, he still succeeded in his quest. How? He had learned, by watching other princes through his adolescence, that he could attract the most beautiful princesses, even when he was at his most obnoxious, as long as he had a cool car. He had observed that some princes, from poorer kingdoms, had less impressive cars, but these princes' cars played very loud music and had very big exhausts to excite princesses.
After sleeping with a stream of princesses and perfecting his technique of what pleased him, impressing his friends with his tally of conquests along the way, he met a particularly enchanting princess and fell in love. He bought her flowers, a ring and they got married. He still kept his castle fully equipped with his 'must have' toys, he still dumped his dirty clothes and towels on the floor to have them magically cleaned and returned for future use, he still had his meals placed before him when he wished to eat, he still walked around an immaculate, sparkly clean castle. And at night, his princess would magically appear in the bedroom, after being mysteriously absent all day and evening, looking stunning (and not at all tired!) in whatever dodgy lingerie her prince had decided would befit her.Life was good!
Alas, soon little princes appeared and the castle was not quite so immaculate, the clothes and towels not instantly collected off the floor, the meals not on the table as regularly, or if they were, they were out of a packet! At night, the princess complained of being tired, even though the prince knew she'd sat around all day watching Jeremy Kyle on the TV. He noticed that her snazzy lingerie was nowhere to be seen and was that baby vomit in her hair? He also noticed that since effortlessly popping out princes, her abs weren't as tight as they once were, her face was a lot more lined than it used to be, she had stretch marks! This was not the princess he had married. No matter. The balding prince, who by now had developed quite an impressive paunch, drove out across his kingdom in his Mercedes/BMW/Porsche and, after further perfecting his technique of pleasing himself on numerous would-be princesses, he brought back to his castle his Princess Mark 2. Princess Mark 1 got consigned, with her little princes, to the outer reaches of the kingdom, wilst the prince, his new princess and his toys lived happily ever after.
Men don't need to be fed fairy tales to be fooled into co-habiting.
Blossom, that's a very cynical attitude to take. Obviously, you're completely right, as I've had the opportunity to observe recently. How very depressing.
Excellent writing, by the way.
Thank you PV.
Post a Comment