Thursday 21 January 2010

Shelley the Republican, I think I love you

She's like all of Ewar's letter-writers rolled into one. She's so quotably insane that she's clearly a parody. This is all from the 'God's Hitlist' section. Apparently God spends his time pondering the respective positions of America's political parties, and He's made His choice… Beware - this is an exhaustive list of His dislikes, as dictated to Shelley the Republican. Why He dislikes Chelsea Clinton and Kurt Vonnegut is left unclear… Daniel and Emma: I hope you're honoured to be equated with paedophiles and Linux users, as vegetarians.  I'm deeply honoured to be on the list under several categories.

Heaven's clearly no fun at all.

His expectations are abundantly clear and well documented in His bestselling book – The Bible. Any questions as to your behavior and conduct in your time on Earth find quick answers there. Should I have gay sex? No. Should I take the Lord's name in vain? No. Should I vote Republican? Generally, yes, since they are the only party that believes in God and God’s word.




God’s people hitlist: God wants them dead because they harm America!
Barack “The Muslim” Obama
(aka “Homobama”, “Barack Osama”, “Husein the Terrorist”) 
Tristan Shuddery (He died due to auto-erotic asphyxiation in Room 66 of the Motel 6 in El Reno, Oklahoma on March, 15 2007. He was found the next day by the housekeeper. He was our friend and and part of the STR writer crew but he turned against God. He died and God won!) 
Cory Doctorow ( Pro-hacker liberal, runs a satanic blog called “Boing” ) 
Richard Dawkins 
Michael Moore 
Hillary Clinton 
Bill Clinton 
Chelsea Clinton 
Cindy Sheehan (Has publicly repented from her sins – God won!) 
Al Gore 
Al Franken 
Barrack Osama 
Boris Yeltsin (God Won) 
Kurt Vonnegut (God Won) 
George ?Greasy Greek? Soros 
Charles Darwin (God Won) 
Marcel Marceau (God Won) 
James Cameron 
=============Wrong Choices


God’s lifestyle choices hitlist : God hates people that belong to one of the groups below because they harm America!


  • Gays


  • Liberals
    Abortionists
    Animal Rights People
    Environmentalists
  • Muzlims
    Vegetarians/Vegans
    Pedophiles
    “Global Warming/Cooling” Believers
    Linux users
    “Purpose Driven” churches
    Mormons
    Germans
    Government school teachers
    The anti-smoking lobby
    College Professors
    Poets
    Hybrid Cars

=============Harmful groups and parties


God’s groups and parties hitlist : God hates people that are member or support the groups and parties below because they harm America!
Democrat Party 
Hezbollah 
Hamas 
UCLA 
=============Harmful bands


God’s music hitlist : God hates people that listen to the bands below because they harm America!
Neil Young 
Slipknot 
Madonna 
Red Hot Chilly Peppers 
Bono 
Patti Smith 
Bob Dylan 
Little Richard 
The The 
David Rovics 
All hip-hop and other musical forms that promote and encourage degraded, drug-addicted and murderous black culture 
Any and All American Idols 
Friends, Family and Fans of Any and All American Idols 
The Dixie Chicks 
Linda Rondstadt 
Ravi Shankar 
Fish 
Bruce Springsteen 
Doris Day  
Anyone who has ever appeared in, listened to, rented or bought in any form the “musical” Rent

3 comments:

Kate said...

Oh no, Matt is a Linux user, does that mean we have to move house?! And is that the same James Cameron that was responsible for 'Titanic'? Well, in this isolated incident the guy might have a point.... ;-)

The Plashing Vole said...

OK, I'm convinced now that it's genius satire. Though James Cameron should sit through Titanic for the rest of his natural life.

Ewarwoowar said...

DAMN!

I got very excited reading that and was going to ask you if I could steal it and blog it myself.

However, looking at that site, it's clearly a big WUM. Amusing, none the less.