Monday 4 January 2010

Everybody's free to feel…bad!

I'm a grumpy, Eeyoreish chap, with a lot to be grumpy and Eeyoreish about. One of my pet hates is the group of people who ascribe any sort of physical or emotional problems to 'negative thinking' or 'negative energy' and other associated lunacies. I want to beat them to death with a bust of Einstein, or lock them in a room with Ben Goldacre. Forever.

But I thought this was just me being grumpy. Then I read Barbara Ehrenreich's piece in the Guardian a couple of days ago. Barbara (a wonderful writer), contracted breast cancer. She entered a world in which charlatans from established religions and other weirdo groups encouraged her to embrace cancer. If she wasn't enjoying it, they seemed to feel, she was missing out on some kind of spiritual adventure.

It's a particularly twisted form of emotional bullying and imperialism. Developing potentially-fatal cancer isn't an opportunity to acquire lunatic spiritual values. It shouldn't be a come-hither to charlatans. We shouldn't be forced to adopt the values of kooks and purveyors of 'woo' when we're ill or miserable. It's time to resist these dubious, ideologically -motivated tricksters. It's OK to be sad, unhappy or sick.

7 comments:

Benjamin. said...

An exceptional article detailing her almost tortuous thought process, it's welcoming how she finds her illness and the anger she feels rather than as you say, be sucked into positive thinking. My mother has just endured a biopsy and now awaiting the test results, a haunting time for anyone. Cancer effects everyone around the victim, the family life suffers invariably yet through closeness it’s something we’ve all seen beaten in particular in my family but it still frightens the hell out of me, it’s something I cannot help her defeat personally for instance I cannot chase after it with a baseball bat or plunge into a chip pan fryer.

If the case appears that we are in battle with the demon, I’m assured by her strength of character which is far greater than anyone I’ve ever met; she already has one lung collapsed in my premature birth and when she went to her surgeon, had the lump cut off she then returned to work without a fuss.

Shall see you tomorrow at 2, Vole.

The Plashing Vole said...

I hope she gets through. There's a lot to be said for mental toughness: my grandmother, in the late 60s, didn't mention to my mother that she'd had a serious operation for cancer, because she didn't want to upset her daughter's revision. I'm not recommending that kind of repression, but it's a mark of incredible toughness. The old dear is still going (97 in February) and mother passed her exams and became a doctor!

Benjamin. said...

Indeed it is, I think it's certainly a dying tradition to remain dignified in the face of such devastation or oppression as shown by the courage of our citizen in face of Nazi invasion. People nowadays are too emotionally involved, Stephen Fry quitting Twitter because a chap from Birmingham called him 'boring' is a testament to that.

Kate said...

Indeed so (re Stephen Fry). There is a hell of a lot to be said for mental toughness, and that I think is the point here. Whilst I agree strongly with a lot of what Ehrenreich has to say, especially condemnation of existential places resembling shopping centres and the value laden notion that cancer 'will lead you to god', at the same time I wouldn't be actively encouraging people to feel sick or unhappy; a lot of emotional problems are undoubtedly a result of overly negative thinking, and I REALLY don't think I'm a lunatic for saying so! Whilst I vehemently despise the types of people who think it's OK to cash in on, or 'save a soul' through cancer, I despise people who have a 'poor me' victim mentality and suffer from self inflicted paralysis that 'no-one else understands' even more. I firmly believe that when life hands you a bowl of stinking excrement, as it does all of us at some stage in our lifes, you do actively have a choice as to how to respond to that, and whilst I wouldn't be running off to join the happy clappy brigade, I wouldn't be locking myself away for months wallowing in self pity either. Demented is very right to point out how difficult it is to deal with things that are outside of our control, such as being unable to fight cancer off with a big stick, but at the same time there are positive things that can be done like calling mum to ask how her day was, helping out with chores more, or sending flowers etc (all of which I'm sure Demented already realises/would do). I also firmly believe that no matter how bad your life can get, there's always someone, somewhere worse off than you (for example none of us lives in war torn Africa or has to worry about where our next meal will come from), and you should try to remember that when self pity inevitably creeps in. Whilst I'm nervous at the trend towards the belief in unremitting, decontexualised power in positive thinking, I'm even more nervous about the trend towards viewing depression as a debilitating medical condition the 'victim' is powerless to overcome, sorry, I know it's controversial, but I just don't buy it, those people are only powerless because they have chosen to be. In the western world (where we have free medical care, a social security system etc), for the overwhelming majority of people who claim to be 'victims', there are always steps they can take towards improving their life, a significant part of which would involve changing their negative outlook on life (instead of thinking 'poor me, how could this happen to me, it's the end of the world' thinking 'I don't like feeling like this, what did I do to get into this situation how can I avoid it in future (a line of thought far more relevant to relationship break ups than death or illness admittedly) or what can I do next to make myself/loved ones feel better). As Vole knows, my mother killed herself in pretty horrific circumstances just over a year ago, and whilst I felt and often still do feel utterly sh*t about it, and gave myself time to cry/feel sad,(and whilst yes, no-one did understand, but nor would I have expected them to), at the end of the day you have to get on with your life as best you can, and I often do try and think as positively as I can(within reason, and context!) if I am feeling sad and grumpy in order to move forward and get on with things (such as my PhD, no mean feat!). Negative thinking is chuff all use to me, and taken to extremes, is just as detrimental as positive thinking, think on!

And Demented, very best wishes to you and your mum.

The Plashing Vole said...

By Toutatis, Kate, I hope there are more paragraphs in you thesis!

I agree. I'm not suggesting that wallowing in misery is healthy or advisable - but we need to accept that some things are a) just plain bad and b) treatable or not by proper medicine and c) 'alternative' therapies are little more than placebo. The useful ones have been incorporated into proper medicine.

I spent some of the last couple of days destroying medical notes. Amongst them was an individual who informed her doctor she'd had bowel cancer and 'cured' it with herbs and dietary changes. (Another one had superglued her fillings back in. This is not a good idea).

I guess I'm a stoic: optimistic where the odds are good, realistic where they're not. I don't know enough about depression to judge, though I do gather that at least some depressive illnesses are physiological or genetic, so can't be argued with.

Benjamin. said...

Excellently put, Kate and thank you for your best regards. I'm sure everything will be fine, I'm stunned to hear of your mother's suicide and in turn wish you all the best too. Your PhD is going swimmingly, I hope.

We all have to be stoic at our intuition don't we, Vole! It's far better than hiding from the truth.

kim mcgowan said...

I was going to comment that I had enjoyed that article too, and that I blamed Americans for expecting us to be positive in horrid situations - but I've just read all your moving and considered comments and I realise my comment would be far to flippant. Oh well...

Happy New Year, Plash, DD and Kate
kim

(incidentally, the word verification word is diessi; do you think it's significant?)